Proverbs 31:8-9

Open your mouth for the mute,
   for the rights of all who are destitute.
Open you mouth, judge righteously,
   defend the rights of the poor and needy.

Steadfast Love

I am a whore, I do confess. (Listen.)

Hosea is a beautiful book. In the first chapter, it goes through God's calling of Hosea to "take a wife of whoredom" and details the children that she has. What I didn't know was this: Jezreel, Gomer's first son, is Hosea's. "She bore him a son." It would then be assumed that the next two children, oh-so-lovingly named No Mercy and Not My People, were also the offspring of Hosea and Gomer. BUT the verses that introduce these children simply say, "she bore a daughter" and "she bore a son." These likely were not Hosea's children. 

Ouch.

Even after marrying Hosea, Gomer was still unfaithful.

Chapter two goes on to describe the punishment that Israel (who Gomer represents) received because of her unfaithfulness. Rightly deserved punishment. But then, in verse fourteen, the mood changes. We tend to read the Bible by section. We assume that there has always been a break where there is a subtitle. But when you read this straight through, it says...

"And I will punish her for the feast days of the Baals
   when she burned offerings to them
and adorned herself with her ring and jewelry,
   and went after her lovers
   and forgot me, declares the LORD.
Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
   and bring her into the wilderness,
   and speak tenderly to her."

THEREFORE. What?! "Therefore" would make it seem as if she deserves it. No stipulations. No conditions. Israel completely deserted Yahweh. She left the great I Am in the dust to pursue other things - pursue other lovers. And yet God speaks tenderly to her? Brings her back to the wilderness - to the passion that existed when their love was still new. 

"And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness."

The bride price. The things that God will give Israel - the attributes that only come from Him. The things that she doesn't merit in any way. God then tells Hosea to do the same for his wife.

Recently, I've been seeing more and more what a horrible, unloving, judgmental, hurtful person I am. I've abandoned God for the things that I think satisfy - academic knowledge, helping someone, finding my place on my own. None of these things are bad, but when I pursue them without Yahweh, how the heck do I think they are going to succeed? I forget the reason behind my life. I neglect the One who brought me this far. I put it all on my shoulders. And yet...yet, God wants me. To allure me. Bring me into the wilderness. Speak tenderly to me. Help me return to my first love (Revelation 2:4). How freaking unworthy am I?! And not just of receiving God's love, but also to be used to bring His love to others. Blows my mind.  



Wedding Dress by Derek Webb

If you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
Should that be all I'd ever need
or is there more I'm looking for

and should I read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
To make me handsome, rich, and wise
Is that really what you want

I am a whore I do confess
But I put you on just like a wedding dress
and I run down the aisle
and I run down the aisle
I'm a prodigal with no way home
but I put you on just like a ring of gold
and I run down the aisle to you

So could you love this bastard child
Though I don't trust you to provide
With one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side

I am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers so less wild
That I would take a little cash
Over your very flesh and blood

Because money cannot buy
a husband's jealous eye
When you have knowingly deceived his wife 

Rodney

Rodney Kayandu, age 15

So that I'm not repeating myself, you can read about Rodney and Shantel's younger years on Shantel's post. 

After Gideon and Jennifer miraculously found them, Rodney had a pretty difficult time adapting back to "normal" life. Now, he is a bright, quiet, and insightful young man. He is especially gifted in English, math, and computers. Rodney is definitely a "wallflower" (that sounds funny when it's referring to a male...). He is never first to answer a question or volunteer to translate or lead a song. He is SUPER camera-shy...this is the only picture anyone on the team has of him from our trip. He would literally run away if you were taking pictures around him! He is also an incredible protector, especially of Shantel. He was embarrassed to admit that she is his sister, but you could tell that there is a special bond between them. While we found his shyness and embarrassement about everything to be endearing, I fear that there is more going on than meets the eye - the remnants of a lot of trauma, fear, and heartache. 

Pray for Rodney. Pray that he will always be true to who he is. Pray that he will continue to be close with Shantel. Pray that he will do very well in school and go on to further education, if he wants to. Pray that he will know his Maker intimately and never feel forsaken. Pray that the right people will be placed in his life to help him be healed of his past.

The Great Debate

Seven overseas short-term mission trips under my belt, adding up to 5 months. I'm still not quite sure how I feel about that. I've heard both sides of the argument. Some I agree with, some I don't. Here we go...

Short-term trips are pointless: just a bunch of white kids raising tens of thousands of dollars to go overseas...we should just send that money to the organization, and it would go to better use. 

Guatemala 2004

They are an excellent investment because they truly change the person who goes - seeing poverty gives perspective and makes us more grateful for what we have.

Guatemala 2005 (or 2004?)

They are a horrible idea because they often hurt the ministry they go to help. Sending unprepared, ignorant, idealistic teenagers (or adults) to a country where they don't know the language is just a bad idea.

Zambia 2006 (Sooooo filthy...)

 Good really can come of short-term trips. They encourage the community and the ministry, especially with the knowledge that people would save and raise so much money just to come visit them.

Swaziland 2007

Short-term trips are just a way for rich people to show off their wealth. These people don't need to know the great circumstances that we all live in, what they need is help to get more money.

Swaziland 2007

Many short-term trips go to orphanages, which is incredibly valuable. Those kids need to know that they are loved, and just having someone come and hold them or hug them or say "Jesus loves you" can positively impact them. 

Mexico 2008

Construction-oriented trips are a terrible idea. It would be much better for everyone if the money was sent to the ministry so they could hire local workers to build the church or home or chicken coop. It would bring work to people who need it and benefit the ministry at the same time.

Uganda 2010

Short-term trips bring awareness that leads to action. Most missionaries wouldn't be where they are today if they hadn't been exposed to the needs of the world on a short-term trip.

Zimbabwe 2011

They are just a way for Western Christians to check "Do Something For The World" off their good-works list. Why not help people in your own city?

Zimbabwe 2011

Obviously, I am not entirely opposed to short-term mission trips. I don't think that I would be where I am today without them, and I have seen incredible things come out of them, both for myself, my teammates, and the communities we've been in. But I do struggle with the whole concept. What do you think? 

Muzi

Muziwandile Mangena, age 17

Muzi lost his father in June 2003, when he was nine years old. His mother then passed away in February 2006. However, his mother had been sick for a while, so he and his younger brother had already been staying with an uncle - a war veteran who lives in a resettlement camp outside of Bulawayo. Since his uncle realized that these boys' future was bleak without attending school or having a home, he forced them into child labor. They were subjected to physical abuse on a daily basis as they herded cattle without any pay. Thankfully, Muzi's sister found out about Peniel Centre and started working on a plan to get Muzi and his brother there. She was able to steal Muzi away from the abusive uncle in the night, but sadly wasn't able to get their younger brother. Muzi arrived at Peniel in January, 2009. He was immediately re-enrolled in school, but unfortunately he failed his exams last year and is repeating Form 3 (much like junior year of high school) this year. 

Muzi is a quiet leader. He is caring, strong, and smart. A protector. He would translate for us, but only if we asked. One of my favorite times with Muzi was doing Sunday School at the church on our last Sunday. He had come out to translate for us, and I was about to begin the Bible story. The kids were, of course, talking loudly and not paying attention. I said something to the effect of, "Okay, we're going to begin! Let's be quiet," and Muzi translated, "SHUT UP!" Oh dear. Showing the love of Jesus, right? :)

Pray for Muzi. Pray that he wouldn't doubt his leadership at Peniel Centre. Pray that he will do well in school. Pray that he won't find his worth in school. Pray that he will know just how valuable he is. Pray that he will listen to the Lord in all aspects of life.

Righteousness shall go before you.

My heart hurts today. It is hard to imagine all the kids going on with their normal lives without my being there. I know, ridiculous. But I so badly want to be there. 

To hear what they learned in school. 

To clean up their scraped knee. 

To wipe their tears and give big bear hugs. 

To explore and play and be silly. 

To be the person they feel comfortable enough with to fall asleep on. 

To encourage them to pursue their dreams.

To have dance parties featuring Shakira. 

Sighhhh...

I really don't have anything informative or insightful today. Just a few requests.

1) Pray for them. For each of the kids: Alleck, Arnold, Ayanda, Future, Kudzi, Mandla, Muzi, Nkosie, Patricia, Pelagia, Rejoice, Rodney, Shantel, Sisa, Tinashe, and Wellington. For the staff: Gideon, Jennifer, Sanie, Xesha, Kaisyz, Lydia, and Auntie Liza. 

2) Consider supporting me? (I hate asking for money...)

3) If you have any resources that may help me, let me know! I am specifically looking for good books about counseling traumatized kids in a cross-cultural setting...if they exist... 


 Isaiah 58:8-12

Nkosi

Nkosiphile Lusinga, age 16

Nkosi's parents both died when he was young, so he and his younger brother were left in the care of an aunt. However, this aunt had no desire to raise these boys, and so Nkosi escaped and ran away to another aunt in Bulawayo - but this aunt was homeless and therefore unable to support him. So Nkosi set out to find a job in the farming industry, and along his path he met a friend of Gideon and Jennifer, who then told them about Nkosi. He was then taken to Peniel Centre in June of 2009 and has since begun attending school again.

This kid is full of spirit, intellect, leadership skills, and joy. He often translated for us with hardly any help from the staff. His leadership amongst the kids is so obvious...in the profile that Gideon wrote up for each kid, he says about Nkosi, "We are already seeing a leader in Nkosi and we do not doubt that one day he will be one of the leaders of this nation." Being a doctor is what he really wants to do, but he's not sure if he can actually achieve it because of school requirements.

Pray for Nkosi. Pray that he will believe in his potential. Pray that he will begin to see his impact. Pray that he knows that he is loved for who he is, not for who he can come across as. Pray that he will use all of his positive attributes for the glory of God. Pray that he continues to seek knowledge in every area of life, learning not only from books and school, but also from the people around him. Pray he keeps seeking God's plan for his life. 

Why Zimbabwe?

"Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." -Howard Thurman

I found that.

I love looking back on how this all came about. Until May, these past three years just felt like a dead end...like I would graduate with a ridiculous degree (Global Studies major, Psychology and Theology minors) and have nothing to do with it, having wasted way too much money on some knowledge and a good time. But Zim happened, and it actually all started making sense. 


One thing that really drew me to CCU was the CCU2theWorld program, which enables students to lead missions teams. Add in a bit of Dr. Watson's enthusiasm, and I was sold. Freshman year went by, and I didn't even apply for a missions trip. I had the lofty idea of starting or working with a holistic organization - my ideal would have been an orphanage that also reached out into the community with a church, school, and clinic. To meet physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. I essentially gave that up by the end of my first year of college, because I didn't think that existed or was possible for me to accomplish. 

Then sophomore year came, and I decided I would talk to David Bosworth, the Director of Student Missions, about leading a team. Plans to go to Ethiopia with Food for the Hungry came about, then changed to Uganda, then somehow happened. Meanwhile, I was in Dr. Watson's Africa class spring semester of 2010. We began discussing Robert Mugabe and Zimbabwe, and for some reason, my interest was peaked. But in the midst of insane preparations for Uganda, thoughts of Zimbabwe were put on the back burner. My experience in Uganda wasn't the best in the leading-the-trip realm, and I was really turned off to the idea of leading another CCU2theWorld trip. But then, it just snuck back in to my brain...Zimbabwe.


Trust me, I'm not one of those people who puts a lot of weight on random thoughts. I am so scatter brained that I disregard just about everything. I don't proclaim to the world that God has spoken to me because I am so unsure all the time. But it just kept coming back.


And so I stepped out in faith, I suppose. I posted a facebook status asking if anyone has connections in Zimbabwe - this was after googling non-profits in Zimbabwe for hours and finding absolutely nothing due to the economic and political situation. Two lovely ladies from Fergus Falls recommended that I talk to a girl they know, Ashleigh, who was an MK in Zimbabwe and now lives in Colorado. She emailed me back with contact information for a few organizations, one of which was Fountain of Hope. To make a long process short, I found out that Fountain of Hope was the EXACT organization that I had dreamed of freshman year. It was one of those sends-shivers-up-your-spine moments. They have the orphanage and church and are currently making plans and raising money to start a clinic and a school.


The planning process began, and I would see more little things that revealed God's hand in my life. For instance: I thought that Uganda, for me personally, was just a growing experience. One that taught me patience, trust, and a little bit more about myself. BUT, if I hadn't led the Uganda trip in 2010, there is no way that David would have allowed me to lead the Zimbabwe trip in 2011 because it was SO disorganized right up until the day we left. If I hadn't developed that trust, the trip wouldn't have gone. I never would have found my place. I never would have met Tinashe. I wouldn't have plans that exhilarate me!

My apologies for the length of this. I just hope that other people can find their place too - the place where they come alive. Thank you for supporting me on this journey. I am so excited to continue sharing with you. Let me know your story too!

Shantel

Shantel Kanyandu, age 14(ish)

Shantel is loving, passionate about life, and a little crazy! :) She does not remember her mother or father, as they both died when she was a toddler. She and her brother Rodney, who also lives at Peniel Centre, were taken in by their grandmother, but she died soon after Shantel and Rodney moved in with her. They were then sent to their uncle's home. He was extremely abusive and took advantage of his niece and nephew, prompting them to escape into the bush. At this time they were about 9 and 11, living on their own with no shelter, food, clean water, or money. Often they only had locusts to eat. Luckily, Fountain of Hope heard about them and went out searching for them. They had no idea where in the bush they might be, especially since they were attempting to hide from their uncle. But God's hand led them along and they found them within an hour! So awesome. 


After adapting to life at Peniel Centre and going to school again, Shantel "blossomed," as cheesy as that sounds. She is at the top of her class in athletics and attends one of the best girls' high schools in Bulawayo. She gave us all giant hugs every day and, as you can tell from the picture, is very excited about everything! She and Sisa (blog about her coming soon) are the best of friends and spend every waking moment together. It is so encouraging to see Shantel's hope and joy. She wants to be a nurse, and she would be great at that. This girl has passion and will achieve her goals if she is given the chance. 


Pray for Shantel. Pray that she will channel her passion to the right areas. Pray that she will listen for the still, small voice of God. Pray that her enthusiasm for God and his Word will never cease. Pray that she would be given opportunities to do the things that she loves. Pray that she would know, without doubt, how many people love her and support her.

Pelagia

Pelagia Memory Mafudza, age 14

 Pelagia's mother died in 2005, when she was 8, and her father died in 2009, when she was 12. After their deaths, she was placed in the custody of her older sister. Her sister soon got married and moved away, leaving Pelagia to fend for herself. Thankfully, the school learned about her predicament and told Gideon and Jennifer, and she was quickly moved to Peniel Centre. She attends one of the best girls' high schools in Bulawayo, the "big city." 

Pelagia is intelligent, aggressive, and joyful. She acts as a mother figure to the younger kids - a beautiful thing to witness! She can also be very bossy. I believe that is a combination of being one of the older girls and the need for the attention she hasn't received much of in her life, especially in the years between her mother dying and coming to Peniel. Her aggressiveness is one thing that the staff at Peniel are working on with her.

The picture above was taken by Pelagia herself. It was Africa Day, so the kids didn't have school. Jeremy organized a little soccer tournament; but in Zimbabwe, girls don't play soccer, so clearly the best option for activity was taking pictures! I think that day was a bit of a "breakthrough" day for Pelagia. She really opened up with us...which makes it significantly more difficult to leave. 

Pray for Pelagia. Pray that the staff would have wisdom and discernment in dealing with her aggressiveness and that Pelagia would be receptive and willing to alter any negative behaviors. Pray that she continues to do very well in school and has the opportunity to go on to university some day. Pray that she will learn to look for attention in the right places; that she will know her worth.

Tinashe

"Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat." -Mother Teresa

Today, the kids at Peniel Centre are heavy on my heart. I'd like you to get to know them, one child at a time. I will start with the girl who changed my life.

Tinashe Maseko, age 8

Tinashe is beautiful, rambunctious, spirited, and passionate. Her mom and dad both died of AIDS when she was very young. Her brother Victor also passed away of AIDS. This left Tinashe and her sister Rejoice, who is now 13 years old. The girls were taken in by their maternal grandmother, but two years later Rejoice became sick with AIDS. Their grandmother was afraid that Rejoice would die in her home, so she brought them to their paternal uncle and his wife, who were also ill. This meant that the girls were essentially forgotten and Rejoice was not brought to a hospital because they were convinced she would die and didn't want to incur the extra costs of bringing a corpse back to the village to be buried. Fountain of Hope found out about these girls at just the right time and was able to get Rejoice to a hospital and Tinashe to Peniel Centre. Rejoice soon became healthy and is now also living at Peniel, and they are both able to go to school.

In our three weeks at Peniel, Tinashe become "my" kid. If you've ever been on a mission trip involving children, you know how that goes. As you can see in the picture, she was constantly jumping into my arms and climbing all over me. If another kid hit her or hurt her feelings, I was the one to comfort her. She would sit in my lap whenever she could. I was her tutor, but most of our tutoring time was spent with her writing, "Tinashe, Rachel, Tinashe, Rachel, Tinashe, Rachel..." over and over again. At times I would become frustrated with her. She was clingy, needy, and not too friendly to my back with all of her leaping. But then I would think of her past. She has been pushed aside her entire life. Deserted by the people she loved, whether by death or convenient choice. Looked down upon because she is young, one of the youngest at Peniel Centre. She reverts to toddler behavior to get attention. I would also think of my Father. He wants us to depend on Him, to cry to Him, to fall asleep in his lap. I only hope that I was a small picture of Jesus to her.

Tinashe is also a tough little girl. One day, she came home from school with blood all over her head and school uniform. The medical gurus in training on my team helped her get it all cleaned up, and then I took her to the bathroom to attempt to clean her and her uniform. I am pretty sure she had a concussion, because she just sat on the little bench by the sink and stared while I washed her uniform. I would ask her questions (questions that I asked her on a daily basis, in English that she understood), and either got no response or a timid "yes," which was often not the appropriate answer. My heart broke for that little girl. She has been so conditioned to believe that her emotions don't matter, and that was incredibly apparent through that afternoon. 

Okay. This next part I have only shared with a couple people, so appreciate this little piece of my heart. Here we go. Deep breath.

It was our last night with the kids, and they threw this big party for us. We "grilled" and drank pop (a luxury) and danced and we shared our gratitude. Tinashe knew that it was our last night, though, and just sat in my lap, completely wrapped around me like she would never let go. She was crying. I tried to stay upbeat, but those of you who know me well know that I am always, without fail, one of those "cry-when-you-see-anyone-else-cry" people. So I was crying. I tried to get some of the older girls explain to Tinashe that I would see her in the morning and that I love her very much. Eventually it was decided that she should be pried from my lap so that both of us could attempt to enjoy the party. But my heart would break a little more every time I would see her siting in a corner with tears in her eyes, staring at me. I was supposed to suck it up and be strong for her, but I am the weakest person I know.


In the morning, we got up early to see the kids off to school and say our goodbyes. Tinashe is one of the last to leave for school, so luckily I was able to get all the other goodbyes out of the way before falling apart. We were told to do our best not to cry, that crying would just make it harder on us and the kids. So when Tinashe came up to me for hugs before walking to school, I told her to hug everyone else first, to save me for last. She went around and hugged everyone else, and then left without saying goodbye to me. I ran down the road after her, calling her name, but she didn't turn around. I caught up to her, and she looked so angry. So, so angry and hurt that I was leaving. I picked her up, hoping that she would do her typical octopus cling, but she was as stiff as a board and didn't hug me back. I told her I love her, both in English and Ndebele...no response. I kissed her on the cheek. Nothing. I had to just give her one last squeeze and let her walk to school.


Pray for Tinashe. She needs to know that she is loved. Desired. Remembered. Important. She needs help with school - she is in third grade and barely knows the alphabet. She needs counseling. She needs consistency. I pray that I will be able to help with a few of those things when I go back, but it's not up to me.